I see regular posts on Fb that referes to “small talk” as stupid or bad. Or that small talk gives many people anxiety of some sort.

This made me want to know more about this topic and here is what I have learnt:

The term “small talk” really means to be polite, and respectfull, especially in small groups of gatherings where we do not know people that well, or where we do not know them at all. Use small talk to quickly summarise someone else. Not to inspect or judge or dissect….only summarise.

Small talk is not a bad thing, or stupid or a lack of intelligence. In fact, I find that highly intelligent people love small talk. Which simply means that it is a skill to be able to talk about unimportant things. One could say it means expressing friendliness and kindness in a subtle way. Extroverts do not only love this kind of “kuiers”; it is almost as if they crave it! My gosh. Reason being, they receive energy by being with people.

The key to small talk for introverted personality types, is to ask other people questions about themselves. People love to talk about their own lifes, and their likes and dislikes. Interest always indicates kindness.

If you find that the person opposite you do not respond, please do nót start a psychology-interrogation as to why they keep quiet. Not the time. Not the place. Also do not frown or roll your eyes. That will be just rude and inappropriate.🤦‍♀️ This is the time where a quick ‘fake smile’ will hurt no one. Move on to someone else…..and just know and try to understand: That one who does not speak a word is in hell simply for having to be there.😆 Guaranteed an introvert de lux.

Small talk should never be taken personally, neither should it contain any expectations. Small talk is polite ‘light’ conversation. Nothing more, nothing less.

People who hate small talk, should not attend group gatherings or any kind of socialising where they know they will find themselves in this kind of predicament. Period. But, if your work demands this, start learning quick conversation skills. First, you need to forget about yourself, your likes and your needs. At least dress confidently, (for your own sake of feeling okey) but focus on other people.

Rather enjoy what is right in front of you. And be sure……no extrovert notices you. LOL!!! You can pretend that you are listening to them….they will not go and sit on the edge of their beds that evening, wondering why you did not listen to their conversations. They simply don’t care. Get over it.

If all fails, compliment other people and follow up with a question of interest. It is not false. It is a gesture of kindness. If that turns out to be akward, then grab a sip of champagne, snatch a snack or two. Get your purse…….and call a cab. Or make damn sure you go with your own car.

Next time will be better. It is all about attitude.

I for one, do not like small talk. But by God’s grace I am old enough and wise enough by now to choose my own circles. I love the saying: “Not my circus, not my monkeys” and then I simply stay home with my book and my cats. Watching the FB posts of a “dreadfull small talk gathering” I am sooooo happy I didn’t have to attend.

Choose your circle. If the circle makes you unhappy, the problem is YOU.


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